A Quiet Night

Sunday is reserved for rest. Cliche? God, I hope not.

This past saturday was my one month anniversary in LA. Lame to celebrate? I didn't celebrate but it was kind of nice to acknowledge it. I didn't get myself a cake or anything. I didn't pat myself on the back for surviving this long, even though to some it is quite an accomplishment. I simply was happy about it. Saturday I had a function. Went to a charity event for a school of which a friend's niece attends. I was supposed to volunteer but was given little responsibility so I rubbed shoulders with people that have far more access and responsibility than I. I dressed well, behaved in an agreeable manner, a little dine and dine here and there, with a drink everywhere in between. It was fun.

I had worked earlier that day then after work I had ran errands with my friend for the evenings gala event. Gala. Really? Well it was in a fancy room at a hotel with a 20's theme so.... yeah, gala, fuck it. So despite being my anniversary I didn't do much for myself except have a good time. I know, I am so selfish.

What did I do sunday? nothing. I slept. I slept like 10 hours after the party, took a three hour nap in the middle of the day sunday and went to bed by 10. It was fabulous. Let me say that again. It was fabulous. I didn't want to remove myself from the couch. I was a vegetable. I don't know what vegetable is heavily rooted into the ground but I was that vegetable on growth hormones. Sure, i've had days like this before. I've done nothing. There's been nights I called it early, especially if I had to be at work at 5 am but this day was kind of special. I choose to do nothing. I wasn't being lazy. I was a little. I wasn't being unproductive. I was a little. I wasn't even bothered by the white flag I threw in for the day. Egh, nah (throw in a bunch of other sounds that don't make up words) not really. I had done nothing. For once, I wasn't going out to meet the 1 of the 3 friends I have in this town. I wasn't getting ready for work. I wasn't looking for an apartment or a job. I wasn't working on a project. I wasn't invested in anything or anyone except sleep.

Sleep. There are times I neglect you. I am sorry sleep. When I neglect you, I am really neglecting my body. I am sorry. I don't mean to hurt you but sometimes I am busy with responsibility or fun and that is just life but I promise to take a Me day from time to time and give the rest of the world the middle finger.

Oh well, till next time.

Am I an Actor ?

Am I an actor ?

My immediate response was no. The response days later is still no. Then I got to thinking. Am I an actor?

I have been asked if I was or am an actor several times in the past week. People at work see me, hear me, meet me and ask me if I am an actor. No one ever asked me this in Ohio. In LA, people ask me this 3 times a week. I asked one gentleman why he asked me such a question and he explained that it seemed obvious since according to him, I had a, "fearless social quality." I wish that were true. My friend Diana suggested it was a compliment, a great compliment. I have a hard time accepting it because I know it's not true or at least I do not see myself having a, "fearless social quality."

Am I an actor? At this moment no. Am I acting? Do I act? Have I acted? No, not really, yes would the answers to those questions. I am not currently acting or working in the acting field. I do act from time to time in a way, the way that involves the masks that each of us wear in social circumstances, situations, blah, blah blah and all that bullshit. I use to act in high school. Yeah, I was in high school theatre productions and drama club. I was deeply into it and I was not very good. Crap, I sucked. I was never a good actor in high school. The lack of roles and the size of the few roles I had been given indicate the talent I had.

In high school I was an awkward kid who thought drama and theatre would allow me to break out of my shell. It did not work. I do not know when I broke out of my shell but it was not in high school nor was it due to acting. Sure, I told myself 10 or 12 years ago that I did not care what others thought or that I can act. In truth, I, like so many other high schoolers constantly cared what others thought and I could not act.

I stopped acting before college. I didn't have the courage, the stomach for the stage, or the ability to withstand the constant rejection that would come with audition after audition. I could not stand to hear people tell me that I don't have the right nose, wrong hair color, a nasally voice, too short, too tall, big footed, not expressive enough, too quiet, can't really sing or dance, too robotic, not natural, not good looking or not distinctive enough to act. I thought this for a long time and long ago abandoned the notion that I could ever act or be an actor.

All it takes is a handful of strangers to ask, "Are you an actor?" and the notion floats in and out of my mind like Armada ships at an old Spanish navy port in 1588. Could I act? Should I try? What caused this change? Why and where do people see this fearlessness in my personality when all I see when looking at a mirror is a boy masking fear, paranoia and disappointment? Woah, that got a little deep there, Sorry. When did I stop caring what others think? That's not true. I never stopped caring what others think. Just ask me if I care when another girl or another job rejects me. I care. It hurts. Despite all of this, maybe I should say next time someone asks, "Are you an actor?" I should simply smile and respond, "No, but I'd give it a try."

You never know. oh well, till next time.

Timothy Busfield !!!

So I work at a Starbucks somewhere on the west side of Los Angeles. I choose not to tell you or else all these women will stalk me. Probably not, but hey, I need some privacy. Plus, since this blog will focus on one celebrity in particular, I choose to keep my location private.

Oh my gosh, Timothy Busfield just walked by my store!

yeah, am I a geek? Probably. I told my co-workers and they were like, "Who?" Shame on them. When I came to visit last September, I think I came across Bruce Willis or someone that looked like Bruce Willis. Timothy Busfield might not be a huge star but I know who he is and that is good enough for me.

My coworkers asked me what has he done and all I could think was Field of Dreams, Sneakers, the West Wing, and Studio 60. Sure, he is probably best known for his work on ThirtySomething but I forgot that part.

In case you were wondering... did I say anything to him? No, I didn't. He was walking, my back was turned. I recognized the voice before I saw his face. He was walking and talking with someone so I choose to be polite and not shout out, "Hey, Timothy Busfield, love you in Little Big League!" I do but if I said that, he might think I was a jackass.

All I can say is that in 4 days of working, I've had a Timothy Busfield sighting and overheard an executive talk about the new Cameron Diaz production. Holler !

oh well, been holding that in for like 3 days. till next time.