Going Home

So a couple of weeks ago I went home. I moved to LA in mid February and was returning home for the first time to attend a wedding as well spend time with family and friends.

It was interesting to come home. In fairness this isn't my first time returning home after leaving it. I've lived other places than Cleveland, Ohio. I left as a teenager. I left for college. I left to pursue love. Now I'm simply gone. I left for me and tomorrow.

Going home is interesting and not at the same time. It is interesting to see old faces and encounter the changes that have occurred in your absence. It is fun and arrogant to think that the result of certain changes were due to my departure. A town in shambles, a people longing for my return are all self satisfying fantasies that are not true but I think most of us somewhat wish it were just a little true when we go off to see what is beyond the horizon.

In truth, Cleveland and the small suburb I grew up in are very much still the same. Visiting my family and friends while on vacation unfortunately becomes something centered on recalling old memories rather than creating new ones, catching up on lost time and dishing out plans for the future. At times it feels like a progress report. A memo to remind people that you've left, you've done this and that, and what may come up. Sad to say going home wasn't as enlightening as I'd hope.

I cannot count how many times I had to explain the move, what it was like in LA, or what I was doing with myself on the west coast. Unfortunately, not everyone I know reads this blog. So sad.

I loved seeing my friends and family. I had fun. I had fun in ways I had yet to discover in Los Angeles. I had been reminded of what I had been missing the previous five months. A part of me still longs for that life. But it takes time to make friends. There is work involved and a bit of patience to make good friends.

My trip also reminded me that with great friends and loving family, there is no recap or loss of momentum. Not seeing my close friends and family for months had no effect on our relationship. Five minutes after a quick 'hello, how do ya do?' it was as if nothing had ever changed. You pick up where you left off until a moment arises when you think to yourself, gosh I've missed this. I've really missed my friends and family. That notion led some to believe that I wouldn't want to leave. They were wrong.

Despite those tender sentiments by the end of my trip I was longing to return home. Not back home because Ohio will always be my hometown but it's not my current residence. I enjoy my life in Ohio but it is not the life I want to have. I may not have all the pieces to the puzzle. There are several thousand pieces to this puzzle and all of them came without a box to guide me. With any large puzzle certain pieces are bound to wind up missing underneath the rug or couch. Some bent or some not fitting quite right because they were forced into an incorrect slot at an earlier date. All i have to do is keep arranging them to create the picture I'd like to hang over my fireplace. Right now, I enjoy piecing together the puzzle.