Change?

So some inquiring minds often wonder what I am like these days?

Not, what I am doing with myself or what is going on but what I am like...?

As if, I have suddenly changed. Or Maybe not so sudden? I suppose it is possible. A move, a shift to the west coast might change a guy. I'm still relatively young and impressionable. I can be swayed, influenced, manipulated and coerced into various situations, both positive and/or negative creating a change, twist or slightly altered self.

Have I changed? I don't think so. I still feel like me but that is a really dumb statement. I have not become rude like a fair amount of Los Angelinos. I don't throw money to the poor sales clerks at my local pizza shop. I also don't talk on my cell phone when I place my order. I still open doors for people and say thank you when it is done for me. I try to smile and be polite and don't offer a meaningless apology when I do otherwise.

Have I changed? So far, I don't think so. I have not adapted to California pizza. I don't like In-N-Out Burger. I don't surf. Despite a promising love affair with the Dodgers, I have not converted to liking any LA sports teams and that includes the Lakers. I don't wear black all the time and I have not perfected the five o'clock shadow from yesterday, for today. I don't own Ray-Bans. I still use my turning signals while driving. LA people like to try to get into elevators before you or anyone else in the elevator gets out. I still enjoys zoos and hats. I also find it a bit odd when restaurants and bars have out door heaters when it hits a temperature below 70 degrees. Maybe that is the Midwest in me that is still telling me 65 degrees is not cold.

Los Angelites also tend to say a lot and back up very little. They want to get to know you, work with you or hang out with you or at least they say they do but a lot of times such things never happen. I understand what Chili Palmer went thru in the film Get Shorty. I say what I mean. Far too many in this town sugar coat, bullshit or simply lie and then insincerely apologize afterwards.

All of this kind of stuff sounds like LA bashing but I have met plenty of good people in LA. A large percentage of the time they are from somewhere else but beware, when you come to LA, it can change you.

Maybe I haven't changed or maybe I don't want to think of myself that way. I still have a desire to buy more music and movies than I can afford. Thankfully, I don't. I still kill any plant I buy. I'm trying hard not to. Stupid Orchids. I still root for my Midwest and east coast sports teams (Go Browns, Buckeyes and Red Sox!). While dancing to my own tune, I still play too many air instruments in public. I still try to maintain my shape and fitness. I have started to wear Top-Siders but will not let go of my various Chuck Taylors. I still enjoys zoos, hats and useless information. Thankfully, I live by one of the few Wendy's in this town and I cannot resist a spicy chicken sandwich from time to time. My hand writing is still a bit messy and I don't read as much as I should but I still buy books in the pursuit to look smart.

Sure, there are a lot of things that haven't changed like my fear of almost anything or my over excitement for childish type things. I haven't gotten taller and I haven't purchased a new nose. I don't have a tattoo, yet, but since everyone here has a tattoo my desire for one has somewhat faded.

So with 6 months into this trip, I guess I haven't changed much but maybe just evolved into a cooler, sexier, more talented, crime fighting, lady loving man. I've also become quite good at using a thesaurus and exaggeration, some might call it hyperbole.

Going Home

So a couple of weeks ago I went home. I moved to LA in mid February and was returning home for the first time to attend a wedding as well spend time with family and friends.

It was interesting to come home. In fairness this isn't my first time returning home after leaving it. I've lived other places than Cleveland, Ohio. I left as a teenager. I left for college. I left to pursue love. Now I'm simply gone. I left for me and tomorrow.

Going home is interesting and not at the same time. It is interesting to see old faces and encounter the changes that have occurred in your absence. It is fun and arrogant to think that the result of certain changes were due to my departure. A town in shambles, a people longing for my return are all self satisfying fantasies that are not true but I think most of us somewhat wish it were just a little true when we go off to see what is beyond the horizon.

In truth, Cleveland and the small suburb I grew up in are very much still the same. Visiting my family and friends while on vacation unfortunately becomes something centered on recalling old memories rather than creating new ones, catching up on lost time and dishing out plans for the future. At times it feels like a progress report. A memo to remind people that you've left, you've done this and that, and what may come up. Sad to say going home wasn't as enlightening as I'd hope.

I cannot count how many times I had to explain the move, what it was like in LA, or what I was doing with myself on the west coast. Unfortunately, not everyone I know reads this blog. So sad.

I loved seeing my friends and family. I had fun. I had fun in ways I had yet to discover in Los Angeles. I had been reminded of what I had been missing the previous five months. A part of me still longs for that life. But it takes time to make friends. There is work involved and a bit of patience to make good friends.

My trip also reminded me that with great friends and loving family, there is no recap or loss of momentum. Not seeing my close friends and family for months had no effect on our relationship. Five minutes after a quick 'hello, how do ya do?' it was as if nothing had ever changed. You pick up where you left off until a moment arises when you think to yourself, gosh I've missed this. I've really missed my friends and family. That notion led some to believe that I wouldn't want to leave. They were wrong.

Despite those tender sentiments by the end of my trip I was longing to return home. Not back home because Ohio will always be my hometown but it's not my current residence. I enjoy my life in Ohio but it is not the life I want to have. I may not have all the pieces to the puzzle. There are several thousand pieces to this puzzle and all of them came without a box to guide me. With any large puzzle certain pieces are bound to wind up missing underneath the rug or couch. Some bent or some not fitting quite right because they were forced into an incorrect slot at an earlier date. All i have to do is keep arranging them to create the picture I'd like to hang over my fireplace. Right now, I enjoy piecing together the puzzle.